I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
tell me about the eggs
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
