I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
