Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
