my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
