True but thats because hes a fetus.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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