Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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