everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
