in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she told me i tasted like america
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
