We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
