thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
