if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
