My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
organizing the empties. That sober.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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