dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
