Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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