she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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