Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
