My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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