i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
