I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
