so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
