i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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