His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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