It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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