There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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