Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
