the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My dick has a subreddit
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
