I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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