Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
