There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
last night I used snow as a chaser
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
