one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
