everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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