I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
