ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
