worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
