Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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