Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
