Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
