Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
