it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
