She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
