I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
