At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
