OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i was born a porn star she said
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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