Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
