I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
