4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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