I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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