i think my tv is drunk
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
