All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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