So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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