I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
